At 5:00am this morning, I was supposed to board Delta Airlines Flight 5588 and go to Ohio to attend SPOH – the annual gathering of my South Park family. But although the airline ticket was free – I have no available cash right now – so I simply couldn’t go.

Due to the fact that I can’t find a job in this glorious City to save my life, and that I have no viable means of income right now, there is no way I can hop on a plane and simply disappear for five days – even though that is precisely what I need right now more than anything else in the world. So far this year, full-time employment has eluded me – and I have literally been living one day at a time. I cannot understand why I have had so much trouble finding a job. I have a feeling it is because of bad recommendations by a certain former Government employer who shall remain nameless – but whatever the reason – I go from being their best candidate for the job to persona non grata. And currently, I am in contention for another great job, which I have yet to hear from – although I was interviewed for the position over two weeks ago.

So because of my unsuccessful search for employment, and the fact that I have no cash at all – my vacation had to be – of course – cancelled.

As I sit here in my home all alone when I should be among friends – I am emotionless. So much has happened to me this year that anything else that occurs will be simply expected. If my house were to catch on fire and I came home to a pile of ashes instead of an apartment – I would just shake my head rather than panic – because this has been such a horrible year that I can only imagine what lies ahead in the next 114 days. It’s as if everything wonderful that has happened in my life is suddenly being paid back with disaster – and it’s a wonder that my physically damaged heart has not blown out of my chest yet due to all the stress that I have endured.

I have had the luck of going on many vacations in my life, but I would have gladly given them all back to have gone on this one. There is a big difference between wanting to go on a vacation and needing to. Right now, I need nothing more than to leave this existence behind and escape for even a little while – but, in keeping with the theme of this year – that was not in the cards for me – so I am left to do nothing but stew in my own juices while my dear sweet South Park family has the time of their life without me.

I could have cancelled my ticket yesterday and used it for another vacation in the future – but I simply let it go. What is the point of having yet another credit on Delta if I will not be able to use it? I see no point in once again anticipating a vacation – only to have to cancel it days before I am supposed to travel. Believe me, losing $261.89 is nothing compared to losing all that I have this year so far.

I must confess that of the thirty-three years that I have lived – this is the worst year I have lived through so far. I have never experienced this much difficulty, sorrow and drama in such a short time in all of my life. I am trying to keep a positive outlook and maintain an optimistic attitude as I continue my path down the road of life – but it is getting more and more difficult with each passing day. No matter how I try to better myself, I feel like I am running on a hamster’s wheel – or climbing a mountain covered in oil. From being unable to find a job, to having my bike stolen, to having to cancel a vacation that was free to travel to – I dread what lies ahead for me over the next four months of this dreadful year…

…or for the rest of my life.