Considering the fact that tomorrow is the Fourth of July – and I am four thousand miles away from where I live – this was going to be a great weekend. In celebration of the weekend, Montel decided to remember it more permanently – by getting a tattoo.

For one hundred and twenty-five dollars, she got a midnight blue eclipse surrounded by yellow and orange rays permanently sketched on to her body. This was not her first tattoo. In 1994, she got her astrological sign on her inner right ankle – which was then converted into a half armband in 1999. After an hour of getting “worked on” by a man named “Animal” – we walked out the door and headed to The Viking for a beer.

As I watched this man take a needle and inject ink under Montel’s skin, I could not understand why anyone would do this to themselves. Why would someone pay hard earned money to have a complete stranger that usually looks like someone you would cross the street to get further away from make a permanent scar on their body?

And then I remembered that I did – three times.

The first time was in the Spring of 1998 when I went to Studio Enigma on Avenue U in Brooklyn to give Carlo, the owner of Studio Enigma, a laminated copy of the article that I wrote about his place. When I gave it to him – he asked me if I would like a free tattoo as a thank you for doing the article. Before I could say no – my friends answered with a resounding cheer and began to search for what I would wear on my body from this moment until the day I die.

Some of the things they suggested were stupid. Some of the things they suggested were too weird for my taste – and some of the things they suggested I will not dare to mention. But since the man offered me one for free, my friends were going to kill me if I did not take a free tattoo – and since I had just broken up with my ex-girlfriend Lisa and decided that I was going to “live life to the fullest” – I figured why turndown something that I would never pay money for – but might consider if it was free. So I chose to have a beer mug with a green shamrock stirrer forever imprinted on my left outer ankle.

When the needle first hit my skin, I jumped. When he tried again, I jumped again – and when he tried a third time and I jumped – he was ready to throw in the towel – but apparently it was in the cards for me to get a tattoo that evening – because at the very moment my tattoo began – so did the long anticipated new episode of South Park, Cartman’s Mom Is Still A Dirty Slut. So with my eyes transfixed on the screen that would finally reveal who Cartman’s father was after waiting weeks only to get an April Fools episode and then having to wait another three weeks to get this – the tattoo was forgotten about – and finished when the episode told us that Cartman’s Dad was – his mom. So not only did the night of the brand new episode of South Park give me the long awaited answer to last season’s cliff hanger – it gave me a free tattoo.

The second time I marked my body was in May of 1999 when Hole In The Wall covered the Second Annual Tattoo Convention at New York’s famous Roseland Ballroom. During the show, I interviewed Carlo, the same man who offered me the free tattoo a year before. On camera – he offered me yet another free tattoo – because he wanted this one caught on tape. One free tattoo is odd enough – but two? So I said yes again.

When it was time to decide what I wanted – I didn’t have a clue. It was my friend Brian that suggested I get my dad’s thirteen charm on my opposite ankle – what a great idea. So in one of the weirdest things I have ever done on camera – I interviewed a man while he gave me a tattoo.

Before I knew it and after a couple of “ows” and “oos” – the interview was finished and so was my tattoo. So I once again had a design permanently affixed to my body – for absolutely nothing.

In June of 2000, Ring Fever covered the New York City Licensing Show. The show featured many well known companies offering products available for license with their name or logo on it. Among the hundreds of companies on hand at the show was Yoe.com. A company that places their client’s logos and trademarks on CDs for advertisers. The company caught attention for the fact that as a deserving and hard working employee, you receive a company bonus – a free tattoo. In fact, they had an artist there offering free tattoos to anyone who wanted one. Let’s see, I have the opportunity to get a third free tattoo for the third year in a row? I didn’t even wait to be offered this time. So I approached the owner of Yoe.com, offered her an interview – and got my third of my three tattoos – a cigar with smoke coming out of it with my name on the armband.

If getting all three of your three tattoos for free has shown me anything, it’s that being a writer or TV host gets you some pretty cool stuff. And I should stop doing any stories relating to tattoos – or I will have no unmarked skin left on my body.

Thanks to Montel getting her second – and very nice tattoo this afternoon, I was able to relive the times I got my three. But as much as I like them and as fun as they were to get – I think I am done with getting voluntarily injected with a needle.

Unless I do another tattoo shoot…